


Too early to be so tired

by Grim_Beekeeper



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21540319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grim_Beekeeper/pseuds/Grim_Beekeeper
Summary: The apocalypse was averted and Five knows he's less well then he wants
Comments: 12
Kudos: 169





	1. Chapter 1

He isn’t a teenager. He may look like it through no fault of his own but he isn’t, he’s nearly in his sixties.  
Five mused that if he were a teenager he’d be a very troubled one. Put aside the running away at thirteen, the torture their father put him through, the damning years spent in the apocalypse and the condemning things he’d done for the commission. Put that all aside and you still didn’t have a functional person. You had a very good reason for not having one but he’d never been one for excuses.  
He hadn’t been raised to make excuses, and when you’re alone there’s no point making them. Even with Delores he’d never made excuses..he’d out right denied what she was saying had any merit and boy had he heard no end of it. She was human, she didn’t like to he shut down like that and he was irritating. He was smart, and sharp and knew he was head and shoulders above anyone around him. It could be infuriating.  
Not that he cared, if he pissed people off that was their own problem, he had things to do. 

Or he had. The apocalypse hadn’t happened, it had almost happened but it didn’t and that was..good. That was the goal.  
It didn’t feel good, not right now anyways. Maybe he imagined it differently, maybe he didn’t know what to do with himself but the point remained that he felt...nothing. He had to feel nothing because he didn’t have the words for the sensations threatening to rip him apart from the inside out. 

It was a gap, nothing more. A place in his mind where there should be something and yet he couldn’t see what.  
A hole wide open for the world to see. Or at least his family, they saw, he hated it but they saw and they tried to help. It would have been less annoying if they didn’t treat him like some wayward child. He’s not thirteen, he might look it and he might have more than his fair share of hormonal moodiness right now but he’s not a child. 

And yet they coddle him, or they would if he let them. He knows they would, it’s disgusting. It’s disgusting the way Diego prods at him to finish a meal. The way Allison shoos him off to bed when she thinks it’s too late to be up. The way Vanya cooed at him when he was drifting into his thoughts.  
Don’t even get him started on Klaus. He doesn’t want to think about Klaus. Klaus who thinks he understands better than the rest, who insists on being his usual overwhelmingly loud and proud self any time of day. Klaus who learned fast that he can’t touch Five without permission, or at least a warning. 

It only took a couple dozen jumps to get it through that drugged up brain- Five’s train of thought stops and he frowns deeply. For the first time he fully realizes that he’s worked himself half way through the margarita pitcher he decided to mix at nine in the morning. 

He only realizes this because he wants to ignore what’s going on in his own head. That distant feminine voice scolding him for thinking about his brother like that.  
It hadn’t take Klaus more than twice before he started asking to touch Five, even in passing, and Klaus might be high most of the time but he wasn’t as bad as he used to be, even Five knows that. 

“Yeah yeah” He mutters to Delores in the back of his mind. She was right, she was always right. The most sane part of him is the voice he gave to a plastic woman.  
He laughs in a silent room and decides this is enough of this. 

He doesn’t know what he’s looking for but the academy’s large enough he’s bound to find something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Five does not have a conversation

Klaus was most certainly not what he was looking for. And yet there he was, right around the corner where Five had meant to walk- and instead ran straight into Klaus’s chest. 

Klaus for his part was unfazed, only oofing slightly when the wind was knocked out at him. He was about to say something but then the smell of alcohol hit him and he just stared at Five for a moment, it wasn’t good for a kid to be day drinking because let’s face it Five’s a kid. He got separated from the world at thirteen and now he’s back in that body, back in his childhood home. Forty decades of survival be damned it wasn’t living. 

Klaus would know, he’d left home at seventeen did just about anything he could to make it on the streets, it wasn’t exactly conducive to maturing but at least he’d met other people, learned how to talk to people and generally handle himself, he could even cook!  
Okay so what if he learned that in prison, he still knew how. And so what if his conversations more often than not dissolved into nonsensical tirades. 

The latter was on purpose, he was good at distracting people and that’s what his siblings seemed to need most of the time. It was like they were kids again, all piled under the same roof and ignoring the weight threatening to crush them. How wonderfully familiar.  
Only this time it wasn’t their father, not actively, the memories didn’t help but they were all adults now with their own unique bullshit.  
Except Five- he has his own unique bullshit, no arguing there but Klaus still can’t see him as an adult. It might help if he acted like one. 

“Would you watch where you’re going, some of us are trying to walk” Five’s disgruntled and snippy comment roused Klaus from his thoughts and Klaus nodded to himself, he definitely sounded like a kid. 

Of course Klaus was going to address this like a rational adult, obviously.  
“Well some of us are trying to stand, it’s very important business you know. With Diego on his trip someone has to pick up the extra brooding around here” 

Five’s staring at him, disdain drowned and bubbling under everything he’s drunk.  
“You’re weird, you know that”  
“So I’ve been told but since when do you give out compliments?” Klaus snickered, one hand fiddling with his sweater. 

Five was still just staring, expression oddly indifferent about it, like he couldn’t find the right reaction.  
Klaus couldn’t help but frown.  
“-But that’s totally not the point, are you really plastered this early in the morning?”  
“I’m in full possession of my faculties thank you very much”  
“Faculties, is that what you’re calling it? Dude I can tell you’re sauced..” At this point even Mom would be able to tell but Five doesn’t seem to be in the loop. 

“I’m not, trust me my tolerance is high enough-”  
“You’re tolerance is wearing knee socks” Klaus pointed out, his graceful way of reminding Five that his liver wasn’t any older than the rest of him.  
Five wasn’t in the mood.  
Instead of a snappy comeback Klaus was left standing an empty hall with the after image of electric blue light burned into his retinas.  
\---  
That may have been an over reaction, Five knew it was an overreaction but right now his thoughts weren’t as ordered as he might have liked. Maybe his brother had a point. 

He shut the thought down, deciding instead to flop into his bed and sleep for as long as his body would let him.


	3. Chapter 3

Not that he slept for long. He never slept for long, it was amazing how decades in an unstable wasteland could break that habit.  
Even in the peace of his own room Five woke up to the fantom shaking of an earthquake.  
Actually no, that was his pulse. Pounding in his ears so hard that he had for one disoriented moment thought that the building was coming down around him. 

The logical course of action was to bury his head under a pillow and not move a muscle until he felt better. 

All in all being curled tightly into the fetal position and half smothering himself with his own bedding is not the worst way that he’s spent a couple of hours but this is definitely one of the worst hangovers he’s ever had.  
‘Kid’s body, kid’s liver” chides a voice in his head and he groans, deciding that it’s time to get up and deal with the rest of the day.

He doesn’t bother checking the clock, it doesn’t matter what time it is anyways, he’s got nowhere to be.  
All he knows is he wants to be in the kitchen, he hasn’t actually eaten since yesterday and he might have the appetite of a particularly picky parakeet but eating every once in awhile is needed for not starving himself to death and he takes the responsibility with minimal satisfaction. 

After picking mushrooms off of rotting flesh you tend not to care so much for what you’re putting in your mouth. You don’t think about it. You go insane. 

“Or you go insane anyways’ He shook off the thought, unsure whether the voice was his own or Delores’s and really it didn’t matter. He was ignoring it.  
\---  
Klaus was still worried, only he didn’t have any idea what to do with it. He’s okay at dealing with feelings, well other people’s (he won’t be getting into his own thank you very much..even if he is getting better, Ben tells him he’s getting better)  
But he’s still better than Diego, arguably on par with Allison and definitely, definitely better than Luther. Vanya counts too and she might be helpful if she wasn’t so wrapped up in her own issues right now, that’s not a judgement, that’s just how it is after you nearly end the world. You tend to get a little self absorbed. 

Five wasn’t acting like himself, or maybe he was? The fact of the matter was he didn’t know Five, none of them did. He’d grown up away from them and now he was this thing with sixty years of pain shoved back into a teenage body and who hated it when you tried to acknowledge that the situation fucking sucked. 

Klaus sighed, he was on the roof and smoking what must have been his third cigarette of the hour. And for once Ben wasn’t on his case about it, he was off doing whatever it is he does when he doesn’t haunt Klaus.  
\---  
What Ben does when he doesn’t haunt Klaus is pretty simple, he haunts someone else. Right now he’s haunting Five.  
Klaus wasn’t the only one who worried about him, especially after whatever that non-interaction in the hall was earlier. 

He’d watched his littlest/biggest brother sleep and then just lay around for an unhealthy amount of time, he was glad when the guy actually moved and went to the kitchen.  
After living at Klaus’s side for so long he could feel genuinely proud of any action of self preservation, including Five grabbing old chinese food out of the fridge and sitting on one of the kitchen counters while he eats it. 

“You’re doing good” Ben says, praising even though he knows Five can’t hear him. Sure Five has issues but right now, in this moment he’s making a good decision. 

Or he was until he’s staring at the knife set on the wall. Ben frowns, he doesn’t like the look in his eyes. It’s hard to place why but something just seems horribly, horribly wrong. 

Ben stays, eyes on Five.  
Five believes he is alone in the kitchen and he’s suddenly realized that no one would miss a steak knife if it happened to go missing.


	4. Chapter 4

Five for his part still felt awful and maybe that was why he’d been eyeing the magnetic knife holder for as long as he had.  
He couldn’t keep drinking like this, he knew he couldn’t, it would fuck up his liver and probably his growth right along with it. 

But he needed something to keep his mind out of the hole it liked to spiral into, he needed to keep his focus.  
Pain helped with that, it always had. He didn’t get fogged in pain, he was sure Reginald had trained it out of all of them..some better than others. 

“It’s a bad idea” The voice rang out and Five was genuinely surprised to realize he’d said it aloud. It was the kind of thought that he would have attributed to Delores but that was harder to do when he voiced it himself. 

He sighed and ate his chinese food, forcing his eyes forward. 

Ben for his part was about as worried as he could be and he just shifted where he stood, missing the sensation of weight in his own body.  
“Yeah bud, it’s a real bad idea” He repeats, as though the assurance might do something. Klaus is going to have to live without him for awhile because he can’t leave the kid alone in good conscience. 

Especially when said kid finished his food and pocketed one of the paring knives and proceeded to have an argument with empty air as he walked back to his room. 

“I don’t need your judgement”  
…  
“I know you’re worried but I’m an adult, I don’t need you chiding me”  
…  
“Don’t say that..please” 

Ben couldn’t guess at what the other side of the conversation was but he could see tears pricking at Five’s eyes by the time he was sitting on his bed again. 

It broke his heart, feeling that dread he had after he died and he watched Klaus spiral deep into hard drugs. It had been months before he’d been sober enough that Ben could talk to him, could try to get him to stop doing damage to himself. 

And right now Ben’s even more helpless, Five doesn’t know he’s there. The only entity Five seemed aware of was one that existed solely in his own head, which was it’s own kind of terrifying. Even Klaus wasn’t delusional.  
They should have known it was bad when Five was dragging around a mannequin but at the time they were bigger things to worry about and bigger rifts between them. 

Ben was lost in his own thoughts and beating himself up about the situation but then a spot of red entered his vision and he froze.  
Five had done it, Five had actually done it. And it was nasty too, a gash across his forearm that spilled red.  
Five had never been hesitant.


	5. Chapter 5

This isn’t the first time Five’s cut into his arm, though it is the first time he’s done so without having a reason to do so (thank you commission for microchipping him like a stray dog). 

He puts three more gashes in himself before he can think about it.   
It’s a sickening feeling, the pain of open flesh wasn’t overwhelming by any means, he’s definitely been hurt worse and he’s no stranger to the sight of his own blood. 

Yet the knot in his stomach and his head has loosened considerably and he feels like himself. His body doesn’t feel foreign and he can’t feel the gnawing sensation of Delores’ inner monologue flowing wordlessly behind his own thoughts. 

Five flops back into his bed, legs dangling off and arms at sprawled either side. The knife dropped somewhere he can’t be bothered to notice.   
He shuts his eyes, just enjoying the sensation and mindless to the blood pooling on the covers next to him. 

If Ben still had a stomach he would have vomited.   
He didn’t and he couldn’t but he did find himself dry heaving before the alarm bells in his head quieted enough for him to know he needed to get help. Mom would have been the best choice, or Allison but he can’t talk to them so it has to be Klaus.   
\---  
Klaus for his part had stopped smoking, going to take a shower and wash the day off of his skin. Sweat and smoke clinging to him was never exactly his favorite sensation but it was one he was deeply familiar with.   
He’d considered taking a bath but he was out of bubble bath so what even was the point. A good scrub and rinse would work well enough. 

He didn’t expect Ben to pop up in front of him and he started to ream him out. Not bothering to cover himself because he had nothing with which to do that and he trusted his brother to keep his eyes front (and if not then it was his own damn fault).   
“What the hell- I thought we had an agreement about bath time, which is that you keep the hell out of it”   
“Klaus this is important-”   
“COULD IT NOT WAIT UNTIL I RINSED MY HAIR”   
“No.” 

It was then that he actually stopped and considered how serious Ben looked. Now Ben had no shortage of disapproving looks and Klaus had seen every single one of them.   
Or so he thought.   
This was new. 

“..okay okay just a second, I’m no use without pants, you know that”   
Surprisingly that worked and Ben left. Klaus hurried through the rest of his shower and grabbed some stray pajama pants that had been left in the bathroom, not even bothering to dry himself off properly. His hair was still dripping when he met up with Ben in the hallway. 

Ben still had that look and since Klaus was now dressed he didn’t hesitate to start on his peice without. Klaus was a little annoyed and he had every intention of letting his dearly deceased brother know just how he felt. 

“Five’s cut himself- it’s bad. You need to get med kit, the big one. I know you can do stitches and everything should be in there. He’s in his room, I’ll meet you there”   
“He- why- I’m on it” 

Klaus didn’t know what he was feeling, shock? Fear? Anger? Yes. All of the above. Only he didn’t have any time to deal with it so he wasn’t going to.   
He had an eerie memory of missions as a child, when you had to shut down everything just to the task at hand.   
Specifically the time when he was sixteen and smashed one of Diego’s knives into the side of a criminal who’d pinned Allison to the wall. He must have hit an artery, there was blood everywhere. He’d found it in his hair for days.   
He can swear he still feels it there but really that’s just because his curls are wet and the hot water has cooled to lukewarm  
\---  
Klaus puts it out of his head as best he can and now realizes that he’s already grabbed the large medicine kit and gone up to Five’s room. He braces himself and knocks, knowing he isn’t going to like what he sees. 

He doesn’t wait for a reply, not wanting to give Five the time to teleport away and neglect his injuries. 

His heart skips stops dead when he opens the door, Ben had said it was bad and in that moment all Klaus can see is his kid brother lying supine on his bed absolutely soaked in blood. 

It’s a not a good look. 

And to make it worse Five doesn’t react. Klaus expects panic at first, that’s how he’d react in this situation but Five pushes himself to a sitting up position and just stares blankly. Like he can’t get his eyes to focus on anything and he doesn’t even register Klaus is there. 

Not the time for a heart to heart, clearly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's short and I fuck up the formatting by trying to add a picture

All Five can hear is the blood rushing through his ears. One single sharp sensation in a fuzzy world. He doesn’t register the soaked blankets under him, he barely registers the bed under him and it’s only when Klaus comes in does something call for a reaction. Only he can’t think what it should be and some distant part of his mind knows he’s lost far too much blood. Next thing he knows he’s sitting up and Klaus is doing something.

Pressure, he’s holding pressure. Five doesn’t fight it, just letting his brother maneuver the injured arm how he feels fit.  
Klaus meanwhile is doing his best not to panic but he doesn’t like the sight of blood, he never has and this just hits him as wrong on so many levels that it makes his head spin but there’s no time to think about it. The brothers are in a blur for the next fifteen minutes or so. Klaus quells what bleeding he can and starts stitches. Five nearly passes out and Klaus is just glad he’s sober enough to give Ben the energy he needs to hold him steady.

Eventually Five’s skin has been stitched back together, cleaned and wrapped. He’s going to be okay physically but right now he’s drowsy and everything is coated in his blood. “A few more minutes, take him somewhere else” Ben tells Klaus before he starts to unravel completely.  
So that’s what he does, scooping up a less than conscious Five and taking him back to his own room. The boy’s still wearing a blood soaked shirt and blazer which needs to change. Klaus grabs one of his own shirts and then wrigglers his brother out of the soiled clothes. It’s hardly the time he’s seen Five shirtless but he could swear he hadn’t been this skinny at thirteen. It’s not the time to think about it.  
Then when is?

Klaus doesn’t know but he gets the jammy shirt onto Five, in a better mood he’d chuckle about the fact he finally got the little uniform lover into hot pink but right now it’s not funny. He sighs and sits down on his bed, still holding Five and trying to think of what to say. He’s the last person who knows how to he helpful here..he’s got marks of his own. Should he tell Mom? Diego? Vanya? Vanya would want to know but..what’s there even to say? What happened? Did Five try to kill himself- if he did why not use one of the countless lethal weapons in the house..and if not then-

Klaus’s rambling thoughts are cut short as he feels the little bundle of obsession and calculation shift position and cling to him like a baby koala. He sighs, Five’s alive and looking for comfort. For right now that’s all he needs to know.


	7. Chapter 7

Five had fallen asleep. Klaus knows that because it scares the shit out of him the moment he realizes it.   
The boy’s grasp had gone soft eventually and Klaus didn’t properly know how long it had been that he was just holding him there but when he finally felt the small fingers let go of his vest his heart almost stopped. 

But his brother’s still breathing, still calm and still safe. Well safe-ish.   
Klaus tucks him in under on his bed, there’s something ironic about the buttoned up ex assassin sleeping under a multicolor quilt that was stolen off some hippie woman named Willow or Sunbeam or...Rainbow?   
Fuck Klaus can’t remember, all he knows is she was a good lay and she disappeared in the morning leaving him free to take her tent and everything there in. 

He’s trying his hardest to remember the details of when and where it was, some music festival..or maybe just someone’s big ass backyard.   
He doesn’t know but it gives his mind something to focus on while he gets out of his room. 

The door shut and Five resting soundly on the other side.   
Klaus could finally freak the hell out. 

Ben was trying to calm him down, he couldn’t quite put together what the instruction was other than to breathe.   
Klaus was declining to follow even that part of the advice and Ben was understandably frustrated, wishing he could get someone’s attention to get this idiot of the unavoidable panic attack that came with what had just happened. 

Only he couldn’t, all he could do was stand by as Klaus slumped against the wall. Being dead was a raw deal. 

\----  
Diego had been having a good day for once. He’d been out of the house, having a life like adults do. An okay coffee date with a cute guy from the gas station. He hadn’t expected flowers but he’d gotten them and now he was just getting home and looking for a spot to put them. 

However the thought was forgotten as he heard the distant but unmistakable sounds of someone struggling to breathe. The carnations were tossed aside as he went upstairs to investigate. 

He wasn’t sure what he was walking into and Klaus sitting on the floor and seeming seriously hurt was definitely not what he wanted to see. But he can size the situation up quickly enough and without any actual attackers that narrows down what the issue could be.   
Diego doesn’t stop to think through every possibility, he moves quickly and sits down in front of Klaus, trying to figure out if he’s high out of his gourd or something else. 

He doesn’t get a lot of time to puzzle that out either though, Klaus always was the touchy one and it’s no surprise when his brother is suddenly clinging to him. 

It’s all rather confusing and very concerning but for now holding Klaus seems to be doing the trick and in about ten minutes he’s finally calmed down enough to talk. Even so Diego’s figured out it’s a panic attack by now and he doesn’t press for a reason. 

Instead he moves back a little bit and wipes tear tracks off Klaus’s face. “Doing better?”


	8. Chapter 8

For a moment all Klaus does is stare and Diego’s worried that he asked the question too soon. So he lets the silence hang as Klaus nods.  
“Yeah- Yeah I’m good- I’m not the issue here” Klaus is tripping over his words and trying to stand up, neither of which are exactly confidence inducing. 

Diego tries to get Klaus stay seated but then Klaus glares and there is something unsettlingly serious in that expression.   
Which is a major accomplishment for a shirtless man who’s barely done having a panic attack on the floor outside his bedroom.   
Speaking of which..why was Klaus outside of his room? 

Diego steps back to let Klaus get up and asks the next logical question.   
“Then what exactly is the issue here. Because this definitely isn’t okay and I swear to god if this is you on a bad trip then-”   
“Get your head out of your ass” Klaus snapped. It felt weird to do but frankly he wasn’t in the mood for it being assumed that everything he reacted to was because of him being on drugs. That was a lot of what he reacted to but this is serious. 

Diego stayed quiet, waiting for Klaus to finish the thought and tell him what was going on instead of just being upset about it.

“It’s Five- I think he tried to kill himself” Klaus couldn’t be certain but that definitely looked like what had happened and while he’s no stranger to self destruction he couldn’t imagine Five had felt like butchering himself for the sake of it. 

Diego’s first reaction isn’t the best. “You’re kidding right?” Diego can’t imagine Five being anything less than stubborn. He’s always been frustratingly self important and determined. 

The look of disgust on Klaus’s face speaks volumes.   
“Why? Why would I do that? Jesus christ no wonder he won’t talk to us about anything..”   
Diego wanted to argue saying that he’d never tried to ask but that didn’t help his case right now. 

“Right. Can you tell me exactly what’s going on then?”   
“Well I don’t know. I know the half pint decided to butcher his own arm and his bed’s absolutely ruined. He’s sleeping in my room right now.” Klaus shook his head, still shaken up by this whole thing. 

Diego opened and closed his mouth a few times, not knowing what to say. Klaus didn’t seem to notice because he just kept talking. 

“I mean obviously he wasn’t alright but I didn’t expect this- It’s Five. Little psycho literally outlasted civilization.” 

“Yeah..How long do you think he’ll be asleep?”   
“Awhile, Ben can keep an eye on him” 

That answered Diego’s next question, it was time for a family meeting.


	9. Chapter 9

Here’s something that’s awkward. Putting five people into a room together and trying to convince them that the ball of insanity they call a brother actually has human emotions and is apparently not handling them well. 

Diego had expected this to work out better but somehow he’s ended up having a hushed argument with Luther while Klaus gets their sister’s up to speed.   
Luther is apparently listening enough to get the point and once Klaus finishes his piece an awkward silence settles across the room. 

The conversation that proceeds is hapless and worried and no one knows what to do about the situation. It takes the better part of an hour to settle on what Luther so gracefully calls ‘a plan of action’.   
Right now it’s simple. Vanya and Allison work on tracking down a therapist who can acknowledge how fucking insane everything about the academy and Five’s past is without thinking he’s completely delusional. 

There’s some interesting phone calls there. They get hung up on. A lot. 

Luther takes it upon himself to get Grace and Pogo up to speed and Diego just seems to disappear. 

Klaus fullheartedly intends to pop something and let someone else deal with it when Five wakes up but the kid apparently can’t sleep long and it’s not ten minutes after everyone disperses that Ben tells him Five’s up and about. 

He can’t leave him alone in good conscience right now so he goes upstairs. 

Five’s not in Klaus’s room anymore, he’s back in his own room. Having already stripped the bloody sheets and blankets off, he’s now staring at the decidedly ruined mattress protector. 

Klaus stays in the doorway for a moment, his brother doesn’t seem to notice he’s there and the kid just chucks the mattress protector into a less than graceful heap next to the hamper. 

“Don’t worry about the laundry too much” Klaus snickers and Five tenses before turning around.   
“Can I help you with something?”   
“Somehow I doubt you want to talk about what happened”   
“Well you must be psychic” 

Five goes to walk past Klaus, not trying to jump. He doesn’t have the wherewithal for it right now.   
Klaus just puts his arm out, blocking the doorway and effectively trapping the teen inside his room.   
“I can’t keep a secret to save my life, you know that”   
“...So I take it everyone knows” Five crosses his arms, less than happy about it. 

“It’s not a bad thing. Don’t even argue-” He can see the expression on Five’s face like he’s winding up to snap verbally and he’s not in the mood to deal with it.   
“-You need help, old man. You know it” 

Five still wants to argue but Klaus is staring him down and if that wasn’t enough he can feel Delores worrying at him like the mother hen she is. 

“Okay!” It comes out louder than he expects. He didn’t mean to shout, he just needed to hear his own thoughts clearly over everything else. 

Klaus winced from the sudden volume but overall looks relieved. Five won’t make eye contact but he ruffles his brother’s hair to let him know it’s alright. For once Five doesn’t threaten to take his eyes out because of it. 

“There you go. Baby steps. Mom can deal with the mess in here, you need to be resting. We can get you another shirt if you want”   
“Why would-” Five hadn’t really thought about what he was wearing up until that moment and it’s the glance down that makes him realize how ridiculous it is. Hot pink is not his color but it is comfortable. 

He waves his hand dismissively. “-You know what it’s fine.” 

Klaus’s eyebrows go comically high but he doesn’t press the matter. “If you say so. Ben says you can take over his bed. Might be a bit dusty though”   
Ben said no such thing but it wasn’t like he was using it and his room was right next door. 

Five makes the walk with false normality but he’s clearly not feeling his best, no one would after losing that much blood.   
Klaus gets him to sit down and opens the windows to let in some fresh air. The room hadn’t been touched since Ben died other than the occasional sweep to take out hidden food items as they started to rot. 

Five grabs a book at random and props himself up with some pillows. Figuring that’s the most he’s going to get away with right now. If that. 

Klaus looks like he wants to talk.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> might be the last chapter, might do an epilogue, idk

“Why did you try to kill yourself, not that I can judge-” Klaus has draped himself over Ben’s desk chair and is ready to go into some ramble and Five doesn’t want to deal with it right now. 

“I didn’t- at least that wasn’t the intention..I suppose I did do more damage than I intended to” It was a very Five thing to say but the answer didn’t give much of an explanation. Five knew it didn’t, Klaus knew it didn’t.   
And to make matters worse Delores knew it- Five wasn’t in the mood to deal with his brother and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with her and suddenly he’s yelling.   
“Please for the love of all that is good and holy stop talking, I don’t need to hear it” 

Klaus winces, apology already half said before he realizes he hadn’t been talking..and Five wasn’t even looking at him. It’s an awkward moment and when Five realizes what he’s done he meets Klaus’s eyes. The expression on his face is terrified. 

Klaus for his part is confused but not as much as he could be. It didn’t take a lot of effort to realize that someone who’s shouting at nothing is hearing voices and since Five probably didn’t pick up a new power set at any point it’s just how his mind works. 

Nothing wrong with that, well not on it’s own. “Relax. You’re not in trouble...what’re they saying?”   
The blunt nature of the question seems to short circuit the defensive part of Five’s mind and he answers.   
“She’s concerned, she’s always concerned, it’s annoying….I know it’s not real. I’m not…”   
“Crazy? It’s fine. Who isn’t...well a lot of people aren’t that cuckoo.” Klaus paused, not the point he wanted to make.   
“But it looks like you could use the concern right around now. The old sense of self preservation isn’t what it used to be”   
“That’s one way of putting it but like I just told you-”   
“Not suicidal. Still depressed as hell though. Otherwise you wouldn’t be-” He paused, pantomiming the slashing motion across his own arm. 

The movement gets Five’s attention and it’s not the first time he’s noticed the old scars on Klaus’s arms but it’s the first time he’s put real thought to where the raised marks came from.   
Five’s fully aware he’ll have scars that look the same way once he’s healed up. 

The only reply he could think of was to shrug, voice sounding detached from what he was actually saying.   
“And if I am?” 

“Then-” Klaus paused, listening to Ben’s contribution and relaying it with an eye roll.   
“Benny’s pissed. You should have told us something was going on, you can tell us- and I know that look, don’t argue with me”   
Five found himself looking at the wall. Only looking back at his brother when he felt the mattress move. 

Klaus was sitting across from him and just looking at him. It was unnerving and Five kept his eyes on the wall as he spoke. 

“I can take care of myself. I’m not saying it to be stubborn, it’s just a fact..” He trails into an odd silence, listening to Delores and just frowning at what she has to say.   
“I never had a choice. Just a goal and no time to think about anything else...apparently I don’t know how to cope with slowing down” Five couldn’t help but laugh, it wasn’t his observation but he couldn’t even begin to argue with it. 

To make it worse he can practically feel how softly Klaus is looking at him and it doesn’t feel right. “And please don’t say whatever feel good thing you or Ben have in mind. I don’t need to be comforted. I’m a murderer, I have done unspeakable things and I don’t deserve-” 

Five stops talking because Klaus is hugging him. Usually it would sound alarm bells in his head but right now it’s soothing.   
He finds himself returning the hug and losing the train of thought he was on. It was replaced by a vague fuzzy notion that things could get easier, eventually.   
Five could do just fine on his own, but he didn’t need to anymore.


End file.
